Fictitious Numbers

Are you serious people?! As of this moment, according to my little poll on the right, fully 88% of you think a jillion is more than a zillion! I mean, come on! A zillion is clearly more! I mean, it has a Z in it for heaven's sake. Anything starting with a Z obviously has to be more than something starting with a mere and paltry J. I mean, please. You can't be serious.

ok, I gotta get more votes here. All you who haven't noticed the poll up till now, you have to weigh in for me. (Also, if you don't vote for zillion I'm going to lose my bet with Jared. I am loathe to lose a bet with Jared, so think about this before you vote! The logical answer is SO a zillion!)

Merry Christmas!

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Lame Things That Happen Sometimes

Last night my car was broken into for the second time in as many months. Thankfully I had no purse, wallet, or ipod in there. They did, however, get some random things, including my diaper bag, so they made away with some pretty sweet #2 Huggies. I'm not sure of the street value on something like that, but they pretty much scored. Actually, in all seriousness, the diaper bag had these ( --> ) very cute baby sunglasses in it, for which I paid no small sum at Janie and Jack last summer (my one summer splurge, and the only thing I can afford at Janie and Jack). So then my ho hum attitude about them not getting anything worth much faded as I started to mentally add up what they DID get, that is valuable not to them, but to me. It goes something like this:

Bob Diaper Bag: $75
Huggies, Scented Bags, Wipes and Wipe Dispenser, Hand Sanitizer, A Toy or Two, Pacifier, etc: $15?
Set of Three TyBooks: $38
Velvet Handbag for formal evenings: $40?
My favorite lipstick: $25
My favorite lipliner: $30
Seville's Sunglasses: $13
Christmas Presents for Jared: $26.99
Box of Avery Labels: $28.99
Stamps: $26.70
The Last of my Christmas Letters: $5
Envelopes: $5
Custom Return Address Stamp: $30

TOTAL: Approx. $359. And that's not including stuff I haven't realized they got yet and Jared's relatively new iPod that was stolen a couple months ago (another $400).

CURSE THOSE THIEVES!! I hate thieves. That's not Christlike, I know, but I have to wonder if they'll look at our Christmas letter and see that they stole from someone who has cancer and a baby. Probably not. I don't think they'd care anyway.

Anyway, all this is to say that if you don't get a Christmas letter from us, it's probably because you were one of the stragglers whose address I didn't confirm until a couple days ago, and then yours was stolen. Since I probably won't be visiting Kinkos in the next days, I will post our letter for all to see (I was gonna post it right here, but then I realized that's not a very Christmassy introduction, and don't want a downer "Merry Christmas" post. So I'll post it on Christmas Eve or something, when I'm not feeling bitter and we've all had some time to calm down.

Gluttonous Cute Pictures

This is the view I get while brushing my teeth. And rather frequently throughout the day actually (can ya stand it?).

Seville in her Christmas Dress. It was a gift that's been in her closet since I was pregnant. I love how foofy it is! (I know. I'm eating my pre-baby words.)

Here is a terrible picture and you can't see much, but it is Jared's head: he is growing little hairs. The funny thing about his hair re-growth is this: I expected that when it grew back whiskers would be whiskers, hair would be hair, etc. Not so! Everything is a fine, soft, baby-hair-like peach fuzz, no matter where on his body it is. And it's blonde! So he has hair on his face that's like a little kid's, and the hair on his head is super super soft and white. We had heard that it may come in a different color or curly or something. It's not long enough to tell yet, but we'll see.

Seville Meets Her First Skunk

And since she loves all animals, she immediately took to him, having no sense of a normal adult's hesitation.

Here she is trying to pet him (Toby). Holding him is Kadra (my brother's girlfriend).

(yes, she's wearing real silk and velvet - a holiday outfit my parents brought home from Beijing a few weeks ago. Fancy, huh?)

Toby belongs to some friends of ours, and this was the first time we met him too. He's actually very cute (anything that uses its hands to eat gets bonus points on the cute-o-meter). And never fear - he's been "de-scented" - so in the picture above where he is pointing his little skunk butt and tail at Seville, he is actually harmless.

A Family of Geniuses

My family is full of geniuses (just call us the Pixton-Tenenbaums). First Amy with the TyBooks, then Clay with this idea! I got an email from him today. I was so impressed with his idea, I had to share:

Guys! I have an awesome idea for a new product/invention (Amy thinks she's so smart with TyBook). You know us men and fathers of multiples have our pet peeves too, and as they say, pet peeves are the mother of invention. Anyway, my pet peeve is never being able to find one of the three cordless phones we have in the house without scrambling all around in a panic when it rings, trying to listen to it, not finding it in any likely places, yelling at my kids to be quiet, waiting for the next ring, etc. Who wants to go through that every time the phone rings? Not me. I don't believe any man does.

But I've thought of a solution, and I believe technology has just reached the point that it can happen. I'm going to invent a phone that is physically tied to a spot in the house. That's right, it can no longer get lost! Just follow the string, and there you go! Piece of cake. But did you think I was going to use just any string? No, it will be a rubberized, curly retractable string, to minimize tangling (I'm a genius!). Never again will we have to hunt for a ringing phone!!! To make things even more convenient, I will make it with a hook on the base part, with a special sensor, so that if it ISN'T on the hook it will beep loudly until you put it back! Foolproof!!

This phone does everything, you're thinking. But I haven't even told you my best most revolutionary feature. This phone's battery will never die! That's right, it will NEVER DIE, because hidden inside the curly cord will be a tiny wire that carries the signal from the phone to the actual phone lines. No need for a battery! (Books for babies--HA! This will revolutionize the WORLD!!!) To top it off I will make it in a stylish black with a nice big handle for ergonomics (instead of today's dinky little things that just get lost in between couch cushions like a quarter), with a nice prominent round mouthpiece and earpiece, permanently affixed so you don't have to even open it! Talk about easy!

Now just when you thought I've thought of it all and then some, haven't you ever accidentally hung up on your conversation-mate because your face pressed a button, or pressed a button and it beeped and the person on the other end asked if you were still there, or you accidentally quick-dialed some number and you can't figure out what's going on and your conversation is basically ruined? Well no more! Because with this new phone (look out, iPhone) the buttons are all on the part that's connected to your wall or sitting on your desk! So that will never again be a problem! (I'll be accepting investments immediately.)

Speaking of Apple products I plan to roll out a model with an extremely easy-to-use user interface which consists of a kind of scroll wheel, except a physical, three-dimentional one that you can put your fingers in, to dial numbers. Kind of like an iPod, only more up to date. Truly ahead of its time. But like I always say, where there's a will, there's a way, and the brilliant minds of our day drive technology and advancement to new heights.

So that's my new invention. Please keep this a secret for now, as I'll be soon entering the process of applying for patents, etc. (Jared, I'll be giving you a call.) But I wanted you all to be able to share in my excitement. Do let me know what you think!

Clay