Hi. I don't really have much to say tonight, but I thought I'd say hello to those of you who continue to check for updates.
I had chemo #4 on Thursday - only 2 more to go!! Thank goodness. The nauseous malaise of the first few days is becoming more intolerable for me in some ways. It could be a cumulative effect of the chemo. But I think it's mostly impatience. Part of it is that I've been feeling really healthy and normal during the last few days of each cycle (the day of chemo is considered day 1 of the cycle). When you consider that I really wasn't feeling well for several months before I was diagnosed with cancer, it's been a good six months or so since I've really felt normal and healthy on a consistent basis. So, those good days kind of taunt me and cause me to crave normal life even more.
I think most of my posts on this blog have had a fairly upbeat and optimistic tone. I believe my tone has been honest. I am, after all, mostly upbeat and optimistic. But there are days - like today - where I just kind of want to throw politeness and optimism out the window and tell the world that cancer SUCKS!! I hate it. Yes, it's been a growing experience. Yes, I'm going to beat cancer - I'll be a survivor, I'll be fine. Yes, there have been wonderful blessings along the way. Yes, it could be much more miserable than it has been. But none of that changes the fact that today - right now - I hate cancer. How's that for honesty?
Fortunately, today will soon be just a fuzzy memory and I'll be another day closer to feeling healthy again...
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The Life, Times, and Adventures of Jared, Skye, Seville, Trajan & Oswell
8 comments:
Hi Jared,
I read your blog regularly, so thank you for writing even when you don't have much to say. Also, I am a huge fan of honesty and if you didn't reveal the sucky side of cancer once in awhile, I'd switch to reading fiction novels. You've truly grown up to be a remarkable man. Thank you.
Sharlene.
Im sorry Jared.
It's good to hear the reality of it.
Thinking of you...
Thanks, Sharlene. I appreciate your thoughts and kind words. You know, we live so close, we really ought to get together once I'm feeling better...
Jared
Emily - you post comments frequently and I rarely respond. I'm sorry - I'm always grateful for your well-wishes. While I'm thinking of it, I should include a thank you to Tamara as well - she also posts frequently and I've often been too self-absorbed to say thanks. So thanks to both of you!!
Yeah, nice try Jared. Even when you're attempting to be "negative", you still shine with words like "fortunately" and "soon"...
True colors of sincere optimisim coming right through!
Ah, and I failed to say that the Simpon-ed Engstrom family is quite amazing. EmilyN and I made our avatars when we were together and, well, let's just say mine looks nothing like me. They didn't have a dreadie hairstyle choice.
uh, "simpson-ed" is what I meant.
Jared, you're far from self-absorbed. You have cancer. And you're still my hero. And please don't feel like you need to respond to us. Just know that you're loved and supported! :)
I'm glad to hear that you have good days. At least it gives you something to look forward to. But it sucks that there are so many bad days in between. And yep. Cancer sucks. Any way you look at it. It's one of those "growing experiences" that will only make you and your family stronger.
Lucky for me and the rest of your fans, we already knew you were strong and courageous before all this. I am just really looking forward to your LAST chemo treatment!!!!
Hey Jared-
Just wanted to say that it's okay to have bad days. I'm truly impressed at your optimism thus far. I feel sorry for myself right now, and I'm not dealing with anything near what you are. This stuff is emotionally exhausting as well as physically. And I'm also realizing how bad it sucks to be on the 'patient' end of things. Do you ever get a straight answer from anyone?
--Lindsey
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